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Question DetailsAsked on 5/8/2011

Does anyone have some advice for finding a good and reliable source for a Nanny?

We have our first child coming this July/August and my wife intends to work asap after the birth. I'm military so the Mr. Mom thing won't work. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated!!

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16 Answers

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Your child is arriving in a couple of months and you are only now thinking about who's going to take care of it? Ahem.

Answered 7 years ago by Commonsense

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[quote user="Saluki"]Does anyone have some advice for finding a good and reliable source for a Nannie. We have our first child coming this July/August and my wife intends to work asap after the birth. I'm military so the Mr. Mom thing won't work. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated!![/quote]

First, thanks for your service!

In a far less-enlightened world years ago, I saw good military folks balance service to our country with the demands of raising children by themselves. Mr. Mom won't work if you don't want it to.

Some place on your base or in a town not far from you, there is a group that will talk with you and / or your wife about the baby's needs and what is important for him or her in the very earliest years of life. If you aren't sure who they are or how to reach them, try asking your wife's OB/GYN Take the time to listen to them and assess your other needs or desires and see if you still need a nanny.

You don't mention whether you want a live-in or live-out. You don't mention if you want someone to raise your child so you can both focus on your careers and you don't let us know whether you have other family in the area who wouldn't mind filling in for you.

You still have some questions to resolve to clarify "need" before you go chasing a solution.

Sorry, I'm in an especially grouchy mood this evening. Your question makes me look back at nearly 60 years of life and ponder a few of the mistake(s) I made. Only suggestion I can put forth is to take a long, hard look at your priorities.

Between Commonsense's short response and my more wordy one I hope you feel an answer.

Good luck to you and the baby.

Answered 7 years ago by Old Grouch

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Saluki, are you attending birthing classes with your wife? My question stems from a fear that you may need further education. Following a normal labor & delivery, most doctors will not release a mother to return to work until after her 6 week post partum check up.

Finding a suitable caregiver for your newborn takes diligence to ensure you don't accidently hire an idiot, or worse. Depending on where you are stationed, there may be nanny referral services; check with your wife's OB staff. When you think you've found someone suitable, check their background carefully regardless of their references. That newborn is much more important than the few extra dollars a second salary will bring after expenses.

Answered 7 years ago by tessa89

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thanks for judging...you know what they say walk a mile in someones shoes... anyhow the person we were going to use had to go back to Peru to take care of an ailing father if you must know and left us scrambling...

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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Old grouch- she is taking maternal leave but intends to go right back to work after. We are looking for a live out as we are in a 2bdrm townhouse and it wouldn't be a good experience for either party to do live in. The nanny we had set up from Peru- she worked for a friend and did a great job- But had to fly home to take care of her father who was diagnosed with cancer and probably won't be back. My wife works from home but when she is working she is on the phone non stop from 9-5 or sometimes longer... and we all know infants and toddlers need much more than that. Our intention is to have a nanny for the daytime hours and for us to take over in the afternoon...my job is going to have me on the capitol as liason to a Congressman so my hours will be wacky and there will be no set schedule. Kids need a schedule.

Point being my meager paycheck won't cut it in DC- my wife want's to continue her work and I don't want my kids raised by the TV and Barney. (Both my parents worked (they had to) and that's how I grew up- l watched alot of Sesame Street and Zoom.

Thanks for the help,

R

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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You're obviously touching a nerve here with your issue. I can't speak for anyone else, but my problem with this scenario is that you seem to be bringing a human being into the world without adequate resources to raise it, and without the willingness to change your life accommodate it. If you don't make enough money to hire a competent nanny, then either you hire someone you don't have confidence in or you raise the child yourself. What other options could there be?

Answered 7 years ago by Commonsense

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Tessa,

Thanks for the advice- we've been going through some services that we knew of- but we thought someone out there might know of one we missed. Yes we are going to birthing classes- but if you haven't been lately you wouldn't believe how much they are afraid to give an opinion on now. Thank you Malpractice lawyers....

And we have already gone through about 7 interviews and background checks- with my military career I have to be very careful about immigration status also so that has been a big factor and some of the South American ladies we interviewed although they seemed very qualified and had good references, had shady legal status and we had to pass on them...

Cheers,

R

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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[quote user="Commonsense"]You're obviously touching a nerve here with your issue. I can't speak for anyone else, but my problem with this scenario is that you seem to be bringing a human being into the world without adequate resources to raise it, and without the willingness to change your life accommodate it. If you don't make enough money to hire a competent nanny, then either you hire someone you don't have confidence in or you raise the child yourself. What other options could there be? [/quote]

If you read everything before judging(ahem) you would have heard me say that it is more about time... by the way.. I thought the whole purpose of this site was to help people find things they need. Not to judge them on their lives. I

And oh by the way I'm assuming since your so good at taking pot shots from afar you have children? And you KNEW EVERYTHING about raising them before you had them? I'm asking questions here for knowledge and not judgement. If you have something to say that actually helps please add it.. If not I'd appreciate not hearing anything else.

R

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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[quote user="Saluki"]

Old grouch- she is taking maternal leave but intends to go right back to work after. We are looking for a live out as we are in a 2bdrm townhouse and it wouldn't be a good experience for either party to do live in. Our intention is to have a nanny for the daytime hours and for us to take over in the afternoon...my job is going to have me on the capitol as liason to a Congressman so my hours will be wacky and there will be no set schedule.[/quote]

WOW, I've been hanging around here for just over 8 months and this is about as much passion as I've seen. It's kinda nice to see it focused on the welfare of an unborn child and the child's need to have two, actively involved parents.

There might be a resource that you've overlooked. Many military installations have a liason or group that tries to hold things together for stay-behind spouses of those who are deployed. Have you considered finding a group like that near you to see if there is a stay-behind spouse who you could qualify and use?

There could be a few of advantages:

    an understanding person regarding schedules in the military and/or around D.C.a person familiar with military healthcare procedures in case there is a problem with the baby and you or your wife are not immediately availablea ready pool of back-up talent in the event (s)he is unable to care for your child on a given daya person who has a spouse serving us all that could probably use the diversion and income

Good luck with your search. Thanks again for your service.

Answered 7 years ago by Old Grouch

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Thanks- we are looking hard and may even share a nanny as a fellow officer has her 6mos old at a place she's not exactly thrilled with. The problem I (and the gal I mentioned) have utilizing military agencies here is the fact that being Pentagon you get most base services from other military communities IE Bolling, FT Meyer, FT Belvoir and Quantico... all vary and all have different plus and minus factors and can be very HARD to get into some of their programs as an outsider. The good news about this is I should only be here for 2 more years and then should go to another base level assignment where things will be more user friendly and minus deployments I should be on a regular schedule and able to get home more often.

My wife has her parents in the neighborhood here but they are older 82 and 79 and they don't feel they are up to the daily challenges but have offered stop gap service where we need it... a great offer but we hope to be able to get something/someone in place before my wife's maternity leave is over and not put stress on her family if possible.

Thanks for all the advice and I'm assuming from the gist of it you've served somewhere down the pike... if so thanks for your service also!

Cheers,

Rob

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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Saulki. no stress in your life: active military service, newly married, first baby on the way, HOA planning commmitee member, reassigment to Capitol Hill, commuting, etc...... and don't forget that side job as your neighbor's lawn man

You must be an incredible juggler [:D]

Best Wishes!

Answered 7 years ago by tessa89

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Tessa,

I just don't juggle eggs...because I don't like them scrambled! Hence the Nanny search....to keep me from doing like my mom did and accidentally leave me in a truckstop gas station restroom.... wait...maybe she meant that! [:D]

Anyhow... thanks for the responses and the dialogue... we have two interviews tomorrow night (after birthing class at the hosptial :o) ) for some nannies another friend recommended.

Cheers,

Rob

Answered 7 years ago by Saluki

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Please provide updates if you have time [;)]

Answered 7 years ago by tessa89

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My friend, those first couple of years are very important to the connection with your child between it's mother and father. i worked second shift and my wife worked first, our daughter grew up to very stable. She's now 27 and i wouldn't change a thing. Tell your wife to reconsider. forget about the money

Jim H. Daytona Beach

Answered 7 years ago by jbhent

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Saluki,

I'm surprised at the harsh judgments you've received in response to your post. Like me, I imagine you posted a short and sweet post that got to the point without divulging too much personal information. In return you've been accused of not having your priorities straight, not being ready to bring a child into this world, and not knowing what questions to ask. What a waste of people's time and energy.

By now you have probably found your nanny, but I'll comment anyway. As the mom of two young boys I have been in the position to hire babysitters and nannies from time to time. I have searched in New York and Chicago and I have found that location does matter. Some cities have great agencies for hiring childcare, some don't. I do not belong to a church, but I know that many people post listings at church to find nannies. I have had good success with craigslist. Many excellent childcare workers cannot afford agency fees and post and search listings on free sites. I wrote a very detailed post describing exactly what I did and did not want and it resulted in over 70 responses. I was able to narrow those down to about five, and then interviewed three. I would also recommend asking friends and neighbors if their childcare workers know of anyone - word of mouth recommendations are a great way to go.

Best of luck to you and your family!


Answered 7 years ago by winnetkamom

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Good For You!

I had not been back to the thread and it certainly seems to have taken on a life of its own. I think it's kinda cool that so many folks would take the child's needs ahead of all others.

My note was because I spent 9+ years in the Marine Corps and another 3 or so in the National Guard then a 25 year career with a telephone company and I always put the job ahead of nearly everything else.

Throw into the mix that I've served as a court-appointed advocate for kids caught in the midst of problems that they didn't create and I get a bit defensive for the little people.

Now, at almost 60, I realize that a divorce after 25 years and children that I'm not always comfortable around might not have been mere coincidence.

The additional information you provided sure clarified for me what you and your wife are about and it isn't the child abandonment that some are talking about.

Hope you find the nanny help you're looking for. And, again, thanks for your service.


Mike

Answered 7 years ago by Old Grouch




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